September 20, 2006

Mentally Ill Moreno

Gerald Moreno likes to give people the wrong impression that I am mentally ill in his constant barrage of violent slanderous and defamatory sites, blogs and group posts about me. Recently he made reference to a comment made by myself about having a "mini-breakdown" in support of his theory.

Let's analyse this to see if Moreno is on the right track:

"1998 - While with this pseudo-guru [Sai Baba], I had undertaken an orthodox study of AdvaitavAda philosophy ... Being as conscientious as I was, I could not reconcile Advaita's constant and profuse internal contradictions and I had a spiritual mini-breakdown and took some time out for six months. At the end of this dark night of the soul, I decided to give ISKCON a chance and I randomly selected a book from Srila Prabhupada's 30-book Bhagavatam set. That random book contained ALL of the answers to the problems I was facing. Comprehending these answers and studying further Prabhupada literature gave me the confidence to reject Advaita and accept GauDIya VaiSNavism as the 'topmost'. I formally rejected the pseudo-guru in July 2001."

This is part of the spiritual bio that I wrote in my profile at Gaudiya Discussions. I am basically describing my spiritual and philosophical transition from Sai Baba/Advaita to Gaudiya Vaishnavism, a theological school founded by Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. If you view my comment in context, it refers to a spiritual breakdown and not a mental one. It was a breakdown of old thoughts, ideas and constructs that had formed part of a belief system that I now see as erroneous and redundant, in favour of a new system of thought that was philosophically and theologically sound. This is purely a spiritual issue that has nothing to do with the malicious misinterpretations that Moreno makes about my state of mind. This is proof of how Moreno knowingly and willingly distorts actual statements in favour of a malicious agenda that powers his whole strawman campaign.

Moreno also frequently presents a collection of quotes from my former blog that he uses as evidence of troublesome remarks from myself. What he does not tell everyone is that he is deliberately and deceptively lumped all of the quotes together in one bunch and puts them back in my mouth as if they were said by me!

Here is the collection that Moreno uses:


"I hear the guitars and it feels like a blade of steel cutting through my soul and my flesh, and it's so plesurable. I wonder how those people feel, those people who take a razor blade to themselves and cut their flesh. I wonder how it feels. I think I want to try that, if only as a release to this intense pain that I feel. Fuck, I shocked myself. I used to take bottles of vodka into college and drink it in the computer room as I surfed endlessly. I'm still fucking surprised as to how no one ever smelt it on me? So now alcohol ain't gonnabe enough to deal with this shit? I need to progress to self-harm? What the fucking FUCK?!?! I'm losing touch with reality. Someone needs to save me. Who? No idea. Who? Someone, who? Mr. Motherfucker, I pray to be able to survive. I'm scared that I'm becoming unstable and psychotic. How quaintly romantic it would be to purchase a gun and put it into your mouth. Tasting the metal as you run your tongue around the barrel, close your eyes, and blow your brains out."

Let's take a look at just two of the remarks here in their original context to see if Moreno is on the right track:

"I hear the guitars and it feels like a blade of steel cutting through my soul and my flesh, and it's so plesurable. I wonder how those people feel, those people who take a razor blade to themselves and cut their flesh. I wonder how it feels. I think I want to try that, if only as a release to this intense pain that I feel."

I have told Moreno countless times that much of the stuff written on my blog were pure exaggeration of real-life events. He chose to ignore this in spite of acknowledging the openly viewable self contradictions that exist within much of the posts on my former blog. The above post was written on October 7, 2005. Here is what I said in the post dated Ocotber 14, 2005:

"Metal seems to have the special quality of slicing through your flesh and gliding straight into a pain-wracked soul. As such, I do not NEED to cut myself. I just need to listen to some good metal, as the guitars do all the cutting for me that I need. And so I can just open my heart to the steel sword that begs to cut through my flesh and intertwine itself with my nerves, and like a violin let it play the most mournful music anyone has ever heard.. While raining hellfire spills forth from my eyes..."

In both the posts I make references to guitars, and in this post I make an open reference to 'metal', meaning heavy metal music. So for all of Moreno's rootin'-tootin' about psychological disturbances, I am simply talking about music. Sure enough, anyone who subsists on an aural diet of Metallica, Black Sabbath, Anthrax, Megadeth, Motorhead and other established metal bands will doubtless agree with me about bass and electric guitars feeling as if they slice flesh and so on. Indeed, anyone who has ever read a review in a metal magazine will find almost exactly the same type of descriptive rhetoric.

One might also wonder why I talk so descriptively myself. That may be because I am a fan of 'olde-worlde' gothic literature and have even made some attempts to do some modern gothic fiction writing of my own. See my blog dedicated to such gothic writing complete with links to literary gothic websites. One may note that the current title of that blog is 'While My Heart Gently Weeps'. This is a direct modification of a well-known series of guitar music compilations entitled 'While My Guitar Gently Weeps.' Yet again I am simply making references to music, morbid though they may be. Find it on Amazon. Just now I discovered that it is also the title of a Beatles song.

This all goes to show that Moreno, in his overriding haste to smear the critics of his beloved guru, did not even bother to check and cross-check any of these facts with me. He simply read it, jumped to wild and self-contradictory conclusions and held it up as an example of things that he views as disturbing. Tough luck, I was making references to music and nothing else.

While we're on the subject, we might as well take note of Moreno's own confessions about his mental health. In the middle of describing a period of extended illness that he suffered once in India, he made the following remark:

"I almost went crazy twice. I still remember looking in the mirror and wondering who was that person in my room! I felt like screaming and had to fight to keep my sanity. I realized again, that I was dehydrated and starting drinking copious amounts of water with electrolytes. Thankfully, the feelings of insanity left."

Yep, that's an actual quote from Moreno from his actual website, specifically speaking about his own mental state.

Far be it for Moreno to point his pudgy fingers (one of his favourite and oft-repeated phrases) at other people and comment on what he thinks are their mental states, when he evidently suffers mental problems of his own. To those who may doubt the above as a one-off incident, one only needs to see the examples on this blog (sparse as they are due to lack of time and commitment) to get a continuing indication of Moreno's mental health. His overarching all-consuming obsession with me that continues even unto this day is just one thing to observe in particular.